Sad? UCSF Scientists Implant First Brain Chip to Make You Happy

5Mind. The Meme Platform
Neural Implants

Melancholy is part of the human condition. Neural implants can fix that.

36 year-old woman who suffered from life-long depression, known only as “Sarah,” appears to have been cured by a digital brain implant. Unable to alleviate her chronic sadness with counseling or pills, she became the first person to overcome the trance of sorrow through transhumanist innovation.

Deep sadness is as old as attachment and loss. Jacob was inconsolable when he thought his son Joseph had been devoured by a wild animal. Gilgamesh called on every creature to mourn when his best friend Enkidu succumbed to an illness sent by the gods. This emotional vulnerability, oftentimes fatal in itself, extends out into the entire mammalian world. The Buddha called it dukka, or “suffering.”

Even sea turtles cry when they crawl out on land. Biologists say the tears merely protect their eyes, but who knows? Maybe it’s heartbroken turtles all the way down.

Soon, we may finally be free. In a purely material world—bereft of miracles, spiritual enlightenment, or divine grace—modern medicine offers better living through brain chips.

Happiness is a Warm Electrode

Last year, scientists at the University of California, San Francisco began their project by mapping the unique neurological correlates of Sarah’s depressive states. They inserted ten electrodes into her brain, and after ten days of “stimulus-response mapping of emotional circuitry”—coupled with non-invasive deep brain stimulation—they were able to identify both the source and the solution.

Science News reports:

During this mapping phase of the experiment, Sarah felt joy when the right spot was stimulated. “I laughed out loud,” she said in the briefing. “This was the first time I had spontaneously laughed and smiled where it wasn’t faked or forced in five years.”

The team concluded that Sarah’s crushing unease came from overactive gamma waves in her amygdala, part of the brain’s reptilian core. They also discovered her sadness could be alleviated by applying electrical stimulation to her striatum, a limbic structure implicated in reward experiences. Striatal activity radiates outward to distant regions of the brain, with varying effects in different people.

Having mapped the territory using machine learning processes, neurosurgeons set to work refashioning the landscape. They installed a Neuropace RNS System on top of the woman’s skull. The device resembles a flat desktop mouse with two wires coming out.

Surgeons inserted these two leads into her gray matter. One electrode detects activity in her amygdala. The other stimulates her striatum in response. Through this closed-loop system, Sarah’s major depressive disorder appears to be healed. It’s another milestone in the merging of frail humans with the indomitable Machine.

“As time has gone on, it’s been this virtuous cycle, a spiral upwards,” Sarah said. “Everything has gotten easier and easier.”

The results of this sixteen month trial were published in Nature Medicine.

By Joe Allen

Read Full Article on SalvoMag.com

Contact Your Elected Officials
The Thinking Conservative
The Thinking Conservativehttps://www.thethinkingconservative.com/
The goal of THE THINKING CONSERVATIVE is to help us educate ourselves on conservative topics of importance to our freedom and our pursuit of happiness. We do this by sharing conservative opinions on all kinds of subjects, from all types of people, and all kinds of media, in a way that will challenge our perceptions and help us to make educated choices.

The US Demanded That The Europeans Accelerate Their Transition To “NATO 3.0”

NATO 3.0 says "NATO should focus on defending itself instead of overextending itself in the Indo-Pacific, West Asia, Eastern Europe, and elsewhere”.

The Pope Has An Epiphany

Pope Leo has not forcefully denounced Iran despite its support for terrorist groups responsible for killing innocent people worldwide.

First They Came For the Sheep, and I Did Not Speak Out…

“First they came for the sheep, and I did not speak out because I’m not a sheep.

E Pluribus Unum: The Architecture of Unity

The nation’s historic motto, E pluribus unum—out of many, one—recognizes plurality but insists that unity must ultimately emerge from it.

A Blue-White rebuild

The 2026 Blue-White game will serve as a public unveiling, not a traditional scrimmage as Penn State and Beaver Stadium undergo major reconstruction.

Fed Chair Nominee Kevin Warsh Advocates Central Bank ‘Regime Change’ in Senate Grilling

Kevin Warsh, President Donald Trump’s nominee to replace Jerome Powell as chair of the Federal Reserve, called for a “regime change” at the central bank.

Trump’s Fed Pick Kevin Warsh Heading to Senate for Confirmation Hearing

Kevin Warsh, President Donald Trump’s pick to lead the Federal Reserve, will appear on Capitol Hill for his nomination hearing on April 21.

FBI Director Kash Patel Files $250 Million Defamation Lawsuit Against The Atlantic

The FBI director said in a complaint that the publication published an article despite being warned about ‘categorically false’ claims.

USA Rare Earth to Acquire Brazil’s Serra Verde in $2.8 Billion Deal

USA Rare Earth said on April 20 that it has agreed to acquire Brazil-based Serra Verde Group in a deal valued at approximately $2.8 billion.

‘It Was Literally That Quick!’: Joe Rogan Praises Trump’s Psychedelic Drug Research Executive Order

During a press conference on Saturday, podcaster Joe Rogan praised President Trump's actions on psychedelic drug research.

Trump Says Pam Bondi is Out as His Attorney General

President Trump says Pam Bondi is out as his Attorney General. Bondi will be replaced by her deputy Todd Blanche, who will serve as acting attorney general.

Trump Signs Order Imposing 100 Percent Tariffs on Certain Imported Pharmaceutical Drugs

President Donald Trump signed executive orders on Thursday raising levies on some medications and refining calculations on steel tariffs.
spot_img

Related Articles

Popular Categories

MAGA Business Central