Home Columnists Bartee The 2024 ‘HELP PETS Act’ vs. Animal Torture For The Science™

The 2024 ‘HELP PETS Act’ vs. Animal Torture For The Science™

November 1, 2024

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Rep. Nicole Malliotakis (R-NY) and White Coat Waste Project — an indispensable government watchdog group that specializes in exposing waste and abuse in the name of The Science™ — have jointly developed legislation aimed at banning needless animal torture in American universities — of the kind that Anthony Fauci’s NIAID facilitated in Tunisia — by going after what they care about most: their public funding.

Reason #4,692 to wean the rancid higher education system off of the public teat — or at least tie strings to their revenue stream like no more animal torture — via White Coat Waste Project (emphasis added):

“White Coat Waste Project investigations have exposed how U.S. colleges and universities are ground zero for some of the country’s worst taxpayer-funded experiments on puppies, kittens, dogs, and cats. These higher education institutions across the country rake in over $200 billion of our hard-earned taxpayer dollars each year from the federal government for wasteful animal testing and other programs…

WCW Waste Warrior awardee U.S. Congresswoman Nicole Malliotakis (R-NY) has just introduced the Higher Education Loses Payments for Painful Experiments, Tests and Studies Act. The HELP PETS Act (HR 10048) disincentivizes deadly dog and cat experiments by cutting any and all taxpayer funding to colleges or universities that continue to conduct painful experiments on pets.”

From the text of the proposed legislation, via HELP PETS Act (HR 10048) (emphasis added):

“Beginning on the date that is 180 days after the date of the enactment of this Act, no Federal funds may be made available to any institution of higher education that conducts or funds, in whole or in part, painful research on dogs or cats…

The term ‘‘painful research’’ includes any research, biomedical training, experimentation, or biological testing classified in pain category D or E by the Department of Agriculture.”

Once again, I must ask: where the hell is PETA banging the drum on this?

Of all the causes for what is supposed to be the preeminent animal rights NGO to champion, brutal experimentation of the kind WCW has uncovered in the past — experiments in which puppies are tied down with mesh nets around their necks, vocal cords surgically cut out to prevent them from whimpering too loudly to annoy researchers, and left to be slowly eaten alive by sand flies while white coats with clipboards look on in indifference or, perhaps, sadistic pleasure — seems like the hill to die on.

To be fair, they have stuck their head out of the sand from time to time over the last several years, but I imagine — and you’ll forgive me for being cynical — they would be far more vociferous in their condemnations if the current regime weren’t blue.